I wanted to share a very personal ah-ha moment that I had in my own journey. Several years ago, I had a spiritual need and I approached my childhood pastor for help and he turned me away. I felt very betrayed, hurt, and have carried this pain for so long, almost as a burden. Today I found out he passed away from natural causes far too young; he's the same age as my parents. Him and his whole family have been very close friends of my family's since I was very young. I realized tonight as I wiped away my tears that I forgive him. He didn't need my forgiveness; he didn't do anything wrong. My spiritual need was not his spiritual gift and it wasn't that he did not WANT to help me, but that he COULD not help me, it simply wasn't his gift; he was not supposed to be involved in that part of my wilderness. I realize that now. Forgiving him was for me and my healing for my peace. Thank you God for that hard lesson.
I wish now my stubbornness and pride would've let me reach out to my childhood pastor sooner. I'll never get that opportunity now that he's gone. I wish that I had not have kept him at arms-length for so many years. I know now I probably could have learned a lot from him. I think him having the wisdom to know not to walk into that situation, with knowing he was not equipped to handle the situation, is a lesson in itself. I think God creates opportunities for us to walk through many doors and sometimes the doors that he puts in front of us that he lets us choose to remain shut are just as important as the doors he opens for us.
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