Becoming anew

Day 14

I celebrate the life of a dear friend of our family's who has been gone for exactly one year today. I hurt for his family, ache for his children, and I still shed tears for him.  He's been on my mind for a few weeks now but I cannot believe he has already been gone for a year.

I remember when mom was planning her own funeral, she requested him preach her funeral. He called me the day mom passed to tell me how sorry he was that he could not fulfill her last wishes, as he was sick himself and was being put into the hospital. I didn't know then that he was dying too, but even in his last days he tried to help others. I'll never forget the kindness he and his family always showed ours and I'm sure he is rejoicing with my parents today for they are all free and all have new bodies. 

I miss you Mike, we all do. But today, I think of one of your famous quotes and smile: He who is flexible is never bent out of shape.

 

Being Sick

I spent this weekend febrile in bed sick. No matter how old you are, you still want your mamma when you're feeling under the weather.  This weekend was no exception for me.

I cannot believe it has been 1032 days since my father went home.  My mom joined him 469 days ago. I was so angry at God for a long time, I felt cheated and betrayed. It seems unfair to have to live so much of your life without your beloved parents. I know Amber probably feels the same way, even though we have never discussed it. I know we both miss them, equally yet we miss each of them differently.  I am finally to a part where I am forgiving God and thanking him for reaching them, blessing them, and ultimately delivering them.

Mom:  I miss you more than words. I think of you often. Now, after 15 months, I can begin to recall memories of you without my eyes filling with tears and a panic rushing over my body.  Still, every fiber of my being aches for you. I miss your laughter, your voice, your knowledge, your kindness, your unbending strength, and your warmth. I am thankful that I can actually experience some of our memories we made together and smile, laugh, and tell stories of how things use to be and share the things you have taught me. You taught me to choose your battles with your spouse but to appreciate the little things. To love others for who they are and not what you want them to be. Each person is a creation of God but their choices can taint their outcomes, not because of God's design but of our flaws. You taught me to take time to say thank you, for the large things and the small, seemingly insignificant things.

Dad:  Some of the hardest lessons of my life, I learned from you. You were always honest with me about your struggle to fit in and helped me get through the tough times I went through being an overweight child. I appreciate everything you did for me. All the band practices you went to, even though you had to wait in the hot car (the gray ghost) with no air conditioning after working a long day in a hot factory. When I played softball, you took me to every practice and even kept my batting average on the fridge. You never complained and you never missed a game. Thank you for being such a great dad and for being there when it mattered.  I miss your humor when you weren't even trying to be funny.  I miss your belly laugh when something really got you tickled. I miss your wisdom, your guidance, and your gentle, yet firm discipline you always provided.

Psalms 8

Day 12

Psalms 8:3-6

When I consider the heavens, the works of your fingers, the moon and stars which thou hath ordained, what is man that thou are mindful of him? 

You made them rulers over the works of your hands and put everything under their feet. 

Capable

Day 11

Attitude is everything

Day 10

Ability is what you're capable of doing.

Motivation determines what you do.

Attitude determines how well you do it. 

Leadership

Day 9

Do not follow where the path may lead. 

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Brilliance

Day 8

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man be perfected without trials. 

Inspiration

Day 7

You cannot discover new lands without losing site of the shore

Starry Night

Day 6

Ideas are like stars, you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. Believe in them and follow them and you will achieve your goals.

Healing Begins

Day 5

Healing Begins by Tenth Avenue North
So you thought you had to keep this upAll the work that you do so we think that you're goodAnd you can't believe it's not enoughAll the walls you built up are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall downThere's freedom waiting in the soundWhen you let your walls fall to the groundWe're here now
This is where the healing begins, ohThis is where the healing startsWhen you come to where you're broken withinThe light meets the dark, the light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets outEverything that you hide can come crashing through the door nowBut too scared to face all your fearSo you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear
So let it fall downThere's freedom waiting in the soundWhen you let your walls fall to the groundWe're here now, we're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, ohThis is where the healing startsWhen you come to where you're broken withinThe light meets the dark, the light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides with the dark inside of usSo please don't fight this coming lightLet this blood come cover usHis blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, ohThis is where the healing startsWhen you come to where you're broken withinThe light meets the dark, the light meets the dark