Initiating Changes Necessary for Growth

I welcomed in the new year with my husband in our room (my comfort zone) tearing down walls, letting my husband of 10 years into my deepest emotional vault, and ultimately building emotional intimacy. It should have happened a long time ago honestly, but we have been married for almost ten years and have grown a lot individually and a lot separately as our own people of God; together, we are working on becoming the people God intended for us to be on an individual basis so we can fulfill his destiny of us together as a united front for him.

For me, something I have learned through my own personal growth and self reflection, is that in my past (old nature) I am/was a brick-layer. I would erect concrete walls around the deepest parts of myself, something I have done my entire life.  I have always been very selective on who I let past those walls and in the past, I have made wrong choices in the selection process (usually out of guilt/manipulation) and have let people in who I should been protecting myself from and they broke me emotionally. It has been an essential part of my self-preservation for as long as I can remember and it is something that has been a struggle that I was unwilling to face for a long time.. I have pushed others away and had built up walls around the deepest emotional parts of myself for fear of hurt, regret, rejection, anguish, resentfulness, shame, guilt, and the list goes on and on. As the person I was in 2012 for every brick someone would tear down from my wall of my "self-preservation" protection/comfort, I would have 12 more concrete blocks placed in the wall dividing us before that person even got the original brick completely chiseled out.

My changes began a long time ago, but I will continue to allow God to prune my tree and dig in my roots. I just have to remember that a good hard rain makes the pruning/digging of roots/fertilization easier, so bring on the rain, I know God's grace is sufficient and he is steadfast.