STRUGGLING

 

  Today is May 8, 2014 - its officially been 1,468 days since Daddy went home and 905 days since Momma joined him. I've been seriously struggling emotionally since they left.  I read back on an old blog posting tonight that said it had been 14 months since Mom died and I could actually start talking about it ---- well now, today -- I can't.  I cannot talk or think about either parent without going into a full-on panic/anxiety attack. When they first passed, I could talk about it and listen to and tell stories about them -- but now I am surrounded by constant reminders of their passing.  Mom's anniversary of her death is a week before thanksgiving and their birthdays are the week after new years and dad's anniversary of his passing is the week before mother's day.  My birthday is the week of father's day. Its like everything is connected  I think part of my problem is I am attempting to disconnect instead of work through the grief - the biggest reason why though is I am not sure how or where to start. I know one of my struggles is automatically connecting everything with their death - i need to make a purposeful effort to connect these life events with their lives and not to forget the living.